As the holidays approach, you may be looking around the house wondering where everyone will bunk down this year. Or eyeing your suitcase and worrying if your creaky back will make it through another night on mom’s antique, fold-out couch.

The solution, in both cases, might be to break with tradition and book a room at the local inn.

Worried a friend or relative will be offended? Overhead Bin asked Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute and Jodi R.R. Smith of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting about gentle ways to break the news.

Q: During the holidays, is it OK to encourage relatives to get a hotel room in town rather than assume they’ll be staying with you?

A: “It can be a smart thing to know your limits,” said Post. “And if you’re not going to be in the position this holiday to graciously accommodate guests then it’s probably better not to have them. It’s better to be honest with yourself and let them know upfront that you need to do things differently this year to make it work for everybody.”

But don’t wait to share that news. Jodi Smith suggests using “preemptive etiquette” to let guests know there is no room at your inn. “There will be an added expense for the guest and it will have an impact on their travel budget,” said Smith, who offered some sample wording: “Suzy, I am so glad you, Bob and the kids are coming for the holidays. I know we have been able to host you here in the past, but this year we just can’t. I’ll email you a list of the nearby hotels so you can choose one which will work for you. We look forward to seeing everyone soon!”

Q: And what about telling friends or family that this year you'll be staying in town instead of camping out in their guest room?

A: “Again, this is something you need to let them know as soon as possible,” said Post. “Let them know you’re excited about seeing them but have made other plans for where you’re going to stay. Put the focus on the time you will be spending together.”

“The key here is to make it about them,” said Smith. “Even if there is no one else staying there, you want to make it about them. So you might say ‘We are so excited to see you and do not want to overextend our welcome. Plus, we will all enjoy the visit much more if we have some built-in down time … We look forward to seeing you soon!’”

“Don’t worry,” said Post. “It’s possible to be firm and gracious at the same time.”

Posted by ibrahimyare on 10:26 PM. Filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry